


i can't keep going on like this (but i can't stop either)

by rosesscythes



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Depression, F/F, M/M, Mute Red, Post-Canon, dealing with pressure, moon is basically blue in red's position, moon/lillie is only really mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 23:08:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17969798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesscythes/pseuds/rosesscythes
Summary: Moon never even wanted to be Champion. But it wasn't like she could just stop. (Or: Moon finds out that sometimes, it's not so bad to meet your heroes.)





	i can't keep going on like this (but i can't stop either)

It wasn’t that Moon particularly threw herself into the work of being a Champion. It wasn’t even something she’d started her journey for. Back in Kanto, it was a goal to strive for, something to set out for, because young people had a certain tendency to either want the fame or the power, the drive to get things done, be it calling themself a powerful trainer or changing the region with their ideas.

Moon had wanted none of that, in fact. For all her idolization of Red and Blue, her devoted research into their lives and the memorabilia that’d covered her room just a few years ago, she cared less about their championships, and more about the journeys they’d made. Gold, then and still now Champion of Kanto and Johto, barely registered as a footnote in her mind. She just wanted a path to explore, away from her family drama, and maybe a chance or two to make some friends. She didn’t even want to be like Red, tearing down a criminal organization from the ground up. 

Alola had offered that to her. The Trials were just a journey, a coming of age for the kids of Alola. Sure, there was the opportunity to become a Trial Captain, but that thought was at the back of her mind. She just wanted to have fun growing up.

She didn’t count on the Aether Foundation, the Ultra Beasts, Team Skull, and Lusamine. And she didn’t count on Kukui getting the Pokemon League up and running just in time for Moon to walk right in and claim that large, cold throne for herself. 

She could’ve abdicated, of course. She could have said “thank you, but this isn’t for me”, technically just as one of her heroes had done. In fact, she’d only planned on giving it a shot for a few days, finding a strong, capable trainer who would take care of the region, and living her days out with her friends.

But Lillie left. Gladion worked. Hau trained. And she had nothing else to do. 

So Moon threw herself into being Champion. She fought alongside Anabel and Looker, just days after she could proclaim herself as over and done with the Ultra Beasts, learned their dark secrets and assisted them, because that was what a Champion was supposed to do. She toured the Alola region to finally polish her Pokedex, because that was what a Champion was supposed to do. She dealt with invasive Pokemon species, catching and battling Pokemon that weren’t native to Alola in the slightest, because that was what a Champion was supposed to do.

She tried not to pine for Lillie, because that was what a Champion was supposed to do.

And a Champion was supposed to win, no matter what. So when she walked towards the Battle Tree, goosebumps rose like mountains from her skin as Red and Blue, her idols, approached her. 

“Which one of us’ll you choose?” Blue had asked. And she’d looked between them, and she’d chosen Red. And Red had tipped his hat to cover his eyes, and the battle had begun.

It was brutal. Far more skill and power radiated out onto the field than even when Moon had faced Lusamine and Nihilego’s horrific fusion, with her--theirs-- _ its _ boosted Pokemon, with their snarling, hateful faces, fighting for the very fate of the region. And it was far more focused and tense than her friendly match with Kukui had been, on top Lanakila. This wasn’t a simple match, it was a true fight to the end.

And Moon won in the end. She won, and Blue gave her an impressed chuckle. “That makes two,” he teased Red. “Though at least you won against Gold first.” 

Moon recognized the name, and caught the implication, and realized quite suddenly that she was literally unbeaten. She was, according to all likelihood, the most powerful trainer in the world.

And it scared her more than anything. It crashed down on her like a tidal wave, buffeting her with worry about the fact that she couldn’t lose, the fact that she had to be stuck in this role, doing anything but what she wanted to do, because she couldn’t be beaten.

All she could do for the moment, however, was smile and nod and accept her victory money gracefully. She couldn’t exactly break down in tears in front of her idols after she’d just beaten Red, of all people. It wasn’t what a Champion was supposed to do.

She did, however, meet Blue’s eyes as he spoke about running the Battle Tree. And he looked right back, and they knew their battle was still gonna happen, eventually.

But the rules at the Tree were different. A set number for her team choices, Nebby’s worrying exclusion, the power inhibitors making everything fair and equal. In the eyes of the general Alolan public, she could lose here, and it wouldn’t count. She’d still be the strongest trainer out there. She hoped that thought would give her some relief. But she and Decidueye and Muk and Comfey still strained themselves, clearing round after round, exerting themselves to their absolute limit. And as she climbed, late into the hours of the night, and got closer to her rematch with Red, she considered.

Was this pressure why he had gone to Mount Silver? Was he too scared to lose, or did he feel too trapped by the prospect of winning? Could she just up and leave too, tell no one, and let Kukui sort out the details? 

No, she decided, it wasn’t fair to her region, her friends. Even if they didn’t have time for each other anymore, she needed to be there. Because, she thought to herself, Lillie would come back, and they’d have to be there for her.

And finally she stepped onto the platform and he was there, slate grey eyes meeting hers with just as much challenge as when they’d first battled. 

And just like then, the fight was still brutal, and she’d still won. 

She ignored the attendant asking her about continuing and marched right across the platform. He watched her coming, as impassive as ever as she approached, leisurely recalling his Charizard to its ball. “Why?” she pressed Red, tears finally pricking her eyes as she got into his face. “Why did you leave? How did you cope with all this...this power? The fact that you couldn’t lose?”

The assistant made a surprised noise and attempted to approach, to pull the crying, snapping girl away from the head of the facility, to tell her that this wasn’t what a Champion was supposed to do. But Red waved her off. Pulling out a notepad, he jotted something down, and passed it to Moon.

_ Get some rest. Come here in the morning. _

She wanted to scream even louder, to yell that morning was too far away, that she needed her answers now. But she grit her teeth, bit back her tears, and flew home, where she screamed into her pillow until her voice was hoarse and she was too tired to keep going.

When Moon woke up, 6 am on the dot, she was still angry, but just as tired. So she changed, and rode a Charizard back to the Battle Tree. Red was standing there, waiting for her again, just outside of the gates.

There weren’t any trainers around—why would there be, at this hour? So they climbed the tree step by step in silence, further and further up. Moon didn’t say a word as she followed Red, even as her thighs started to burn and her breathing got heavy and an old ankle she’d rolled ages ago started to act up. She just trudged behind him, his back to her, too tired and angry to actually think about where he was leading her, past as many as triple the steps to the Altar of the Sunne.

Eventually, however, her curiosity started to boil more than her anger did. She’d already asked the question of why, but she hadn’t exactly given it much thought beyond that. Maybe it was something more personal to Red, something he needed to do that she actually couldn’t relate to. Maybe it had something to do with the similarly huge height of the Battle Tree, a parallel with one another. Maybe it was just a new search for Pokémon.

It was a hand, carefully placed in front of her, that snapped her out of her reverie when she bumped into it. And she took a look.

To say the sight was incredible was such an understatement. It wasn’t quite the top of the tree, but it was the end of the path, a massive alcove from the branches and leaves that overlooked the sea, not to mention all of Alola in the distance. She could see anything from Wingulls playing over the ocean to the icy tip of Lanakila to scientists rushing about Aether Paradise to the early morning rise of Hau’oli city. All of it was backlit by the most beautiful sunrise Moon had ever seen, fading purples and pinks being replaced by the blue sky and the orange sun, a fresh new day for the region.

“Is...is this the view you get every day?” Moon asked, glancing up at Red. For once, he smiled and handed her a note.

_ It’s a lot nicer than Mount Silver. And I get to share it with Blue. _

Moon read it, and she looked back at his face and understood. Not quite everything for herself, but in those few words and the one sad, but sure smile on Red’s face.

He’d gone to Mount Silver because he’d broken under the pressure. He’d snapped in a way Moon was close to. Red may have been an extremely strong trainer, but he was weak in spirit back then. And looking at his eyes and the way he moved them away from her to stare out into the sunrise, a proud smile now spreading across his face, she understood that he was stronger than ever now, losing streak aside.

She blushed, suddenly, faltering. “Why did you bring me here?”

Red sighed as best he could, and produced a notepad once again. He paused, considering his choice of words, before jotting them down neatly and quickly and handing them to her.

_ Better to be Blue than to be me. _

She blinked. She got the intention of course, but…

“How?”

Red glanced at her impassively once again, not reaching for his notepad, and she felt lost again, like she was sinking into a sea, being dragged under by nightmarishly black tendrils with eyes and claws and poison. Tears pricked her eyes once more as she tried to refocus on the skyline, hands balling into fists, her whole body shaking like a leaf.

“How do I be like Blue?”

“Well, you’ve already got a great taste in fashion,” a new voice cut in, Blue confidently strolling out to join them. Moon hadn’t noticed before, but behind the entrance to the platform was a door of some kind, one that she realized likely led into where the two trainers were staying while in Alola. She stared up at him, but she wasn’t angry at him. She was angry at herself, for being so strong but so, so weak, for not understanding, for being left behind.

Blue stopped next to her and Red, carefully putting a hand on Red’s forearms. The duo looked at her carefully, Blue’s small grin versus Red’s passive glance. And her own wet, red face looking right back at them. 

“Look kid,” Blue finally dropped his smile, running his hand through the back of his hair, “It’s...more than tough being the Champion, especially at the age you are and the age we were. And don’t get me wrong but...you kinda wear your emotions on your sleeves. The second me and Red saw you, battled you, we realized that you reminded us of...well, us.” Red looked over and raised an eye, and Blue blushed suddenly. “Not like you’re our kid, of course! But...we could tell you weren’t used to the thought of being Champion, in the sense that the possibility that you would be never occured to you. I’m guessing, but...you were waiting for someone else, and now, that person isn’t here?”

Moon nodded, throat dry and feeling hot and swollen. “Lillie. She...we went through a lot, and she just left. And we had other friends, but they’ve got things going on, and so...all I can do is a job I never really wanted.”

Blue nodded right back at her, his hands loose in his pockets, a small, quiet frown on his face, legs loose. He understood perfectly. “Yeah, that’s us. Red left because he couldn’t take being a Champion, in case you haven’t figured that out. He just wanted to do what everyone expected him to.” Blue squeezed Red’s arm and looked out past him, then, admiring the view for a few seconds for himself as he chose his words. “And me...I was left there. Left to just live day by day, angry at him but missing him at the same time.”

“But how do I-”

Blue cut Moon off quite suddenly, staring her dead in the eyes with an expression that scarily reminded her of when Red’s when they battled. “You don’t quit, for starters,” he said, tone sharp but not unkind. “Red fucked over a lot of people when he left. Even if Alola’s a lot calmer than Kanto was when we were done journeying, it’s still not the right thing to do. You don’t leave people behind like that.”

Moon was taken aback, but she gulped down her surprise and nodded. “Okay. But I can’t lose.” 

Blue’s expression softened. “You can. You will. We all have a prime, and we all move past it. Red beat me, and so have a few Gym challengers. You and Gold both beat Red. We literally can’t win every battle.” He stretched, releasing Red, and casually threw his arms around the back of his head. “But, if you want to speed that up, and learn how to lose, try facing me in the Double Battles challenge.”

Moon blinked. “Doubles…?” Of course she’d tried it a few times in her journey, and she’d never lost then, but part of that was mainly due to her Pokemon’s experience and power. She’d never faced someone close enough to her level for a Doubles battle to actually challenge her in the way her rivals and Red did. When it came to actually strategizing about how to get her Pokemon to effectively work together at the exact same time, she was at all but a total loss.

And that thought soothed her. It meant she could lose at something.

Blue grinned, recognizing her expression. “The Leagues are mainly Singles, sure, and so you can call yourself unbeaten there, and Red and I used to be unbeatable, and hell, I can’t beat Red there. But true Doubles?” A brief, slightly embarrassed glance from Red and Moon knew exactly where this was going, all the more accentuated by Blue stepping a foot forward, and fistpumping in the air in front of his chest. “I beat Red, every time.”

Moon’s expression didn’t change for a second, but she then broke out in a smile, a true smile, for the first time in a long time. “Alright.” She hesitated. “Thank you, so much.” She lunged suddenly, and wrapped the duo in a hug, but they in turn put an arm each around her back.

They treated her to breakfast in Seafolk Village, taking a quick flight from the Tree’s alcove (mainly because Blue wanted to take advantage of not being able to call a Ride Pokemon from there, and show Moon how riding Pokemon was  _ supposed  _ to be done), before heading back.

She watched them go, striding up the lowest steps of the Tree carefully. She selected Golem to go with her other three, not as hesitant this time about leaving Nebby behind. And she still won each and every match, even if it was even harder this time around.

But when she got to Blue, she saw his confidence, and the fire in his eyes, and she knew from the start she was doomed.

It was still a really good match, of course. For as much as she wanted to lose, she knew Blue would never be happy if she just quit, so she threw her all into it. Muk’s Poison Jab clashed against Arcanine’s Extreme Speed at the same time as Comfey and Alakazam battled mentally from across the field, a critical hit from the latter utterly breaking the former’s Calm Mind setup. Even as Golem’s Stone Edge sent Blue’s Arcanine flying away from Muk, he just traded it out for Machamp and took Muk out and brought Golem down to its Sturdy with Earthquake. And even though Moon took advantage of Decidueye’s Ghost typing to let Golem have a free, extremely powerful Explosion that wiped out Machamp and Alakazam in a single blow, she knew that when Aerodactyl came out and Mega Evolved, it was over. Decidueye barely stuck out the Aerial Ace, and its Spirit Shackle just was not enough to knock Aerodactyl out. There’d been a few times in the past when Moon had regretted not putting Sucker Punch or Shadow Sneak on her starter, instead opting for Low Sweep.

But now, she was nothing but thankful.

She recalled her Pokemon, reminding herself mentally to reassure them and tell them how proud she was later, before rushing Blue in the second hug of that day. The assistant huffed once again as she was cut off, but at least this time Moon wasn’t yelling. She did, however, have happy tears streaming down her face, as Blue responded that she did great for her first time losing. 

She’d be back, of course, with Sucker Punch on her Decidueye the next day, and she’d claim her place at the top of the tower. And in a few months Lillie would come home, with a freshly caught Ribombee and Comfey, and they’d take on Red and Blue together and win.

But it was good to have a loss under her belt too.

**Author's Note:**

> just in case you were wondering, my hc team for Moon is Decidueye, Solgaleo, Alola Muk, Alola Golem, Passimian, and Comfey. chose these cuz they weren't used in Trials or as "main" pokemon by anyone, and they synergized well type-wise


End file.
